M.E. My Existence

Well, it seems I am up late again. My mind is an unfortunate torrent of thoughts, they include all manner of as I say "thought fodder" but this is how my more... Interesting? thoughts appear, amid a sea of seemingly trivial conjectures. It seem as though I am perhaps predisposed to have them as it takes little to instigate them. The simple act of living inflames my mind, provoking the deep questions of life out of the deep recesses of my "soul".

Recently the inflammation has been centered around my existence as of late. Why? Where? How? What? all questions that at this point cannot be answered. I seem to have come to a impassible point, as though a huge wall stands before me brisling with barbed wire and spot lights. It is the root concept of all philosophy: creation. All philosophical concepts rest upon it. They are dependent upon it's answer of who or what is our creator. If it is a god then philosophy is a fruitless art. Our answers have been given to us in a book. There is no need for us to contemplate anything but if it is a what; a natural process or even stranger a Matrix like simulated reality. We have a very divergent thought pattern to follow. Namely one where there are no answers, where anything that is not testable is subjective and our own morals and guidelines merely a pathetic attempt to give shape to a shapeless universe. If this is our lot in life then the wall standing before is one that cannot be passed. There simply is no answer. I know that my want of one is only my human nature for closure but that fact doesn't help. Perhaps it is more like a open field, a vast void filled with nothing but space. Still it lacks an answer and truth and because I cannot believe in a god this will be my only choice or lack there of.

I suppose I am writing to myself but I'll address that later.